If we as men can understand and handle our sexual emotions, then we won’t have problems dealing with sexual sins.
Growing up in church, in an African setting and being a pastor’s son, there were certain things that were unheard of, not-to-be-discussed, that were taboos, abominable talks, and a no-go zone.
A hush-hush issue that remains a matter of your heart alone and you’re expected to carry this burden on your own from boyhood till you end up in the grave.
One of such issues is our sexual emotions and desires as humans.
When I was about 7 or 8 years old, I remember feeling attracted to a particular older girl, who was a teenager then. I couldn’t tell the cause of attraction; it might have been because she was good looking.
I think she noticed this as well, so whenever she comes around to the vicarage where we lived for choir rehearsals, she would buy me smarties and sweats.
So we became “friends” and whenever I saw older boys around her, I felt jealous, as if she was my biological sister.
I couldn’t tell anyone what was going on and I had no clue why I was feeling that way for someone of the opposite sex.
Fast forward to my teenage years, when I was about the age of 14 to 15, I became attracted to another teenage girl who was about a year younger than me. This was around the same time that I gave my life to Jesus Christ and became born again. However, this did not stop how I felt in my heart about this girl.
I realized that I loved her devotion to God at that time, she was also very bright, easy going and beautiful. I kept these feelings to myself because there was no one to talk to about such things because of the environment that I grew up in. It was not until I gained admission into university at 18 that I had the courage to write her about how I was feeling because I thought to myself, “I’m going away to uni, anyway.”
You might be wondering, “why all these stories?” I am sharing these to make us realize that as men, we need to open up and talk about our sexual emotions, so that we can learn how to tame and control it with God’s help. This will help prevent so many atrocities that we commit as men in terms of sexual and immoral sins.
I have been in so many men’s meetings in my lifetime and I realize that as men, we shy away from these issues, we pretend everything is fine and that we’ve got it all sorted. We assume we can handle it, but we sometimes end up messing up big time; either by sleeping with another man’s wife or dating younger girls who could just be our daughter’s age.
We bring chaos and disorder to the family that God made us head over, we cause heartbreaks for our wives, children and loved ones. It is a general notion that you can not really know how many children a man has until the day of his burial, because men are generally perceived to be promiscuous and sexually pervert.
When are we going to start opening up about the sexual pressure that is bottled up within us? When are we going to start asking for help from those who God has given grace to understand and master their sexual emotions and feelings? When are we going to seek therapy, if there is the need to? When are we going to join hands with our brethren to pray together so we can overcome and become faithful men?
Shall we continue to wait until our wives files for divorce, or we get another woman pregnant or lose the respect of our own children; disappoint our family, friends and loved ones and become an object of shame and ridicule in the society?
How do we train and raise our boys and prevent them from falling into the same trap and the whole issue becomes and unending circle?’
Remember, you are not alone in this journey. I pray that, together we will break this yoke by reasoning together, mastering our God-given emotions and channelling it in the right direction.
If you have any questions or you need advice you can send us an email at prrcuk@gmail.com or book a one-on-one appointment.
See you in the next edition where we will be talking about the fact that every man is regularly tempted sexually. Thank you for reading and feel free to share. God bless. JAO (Joel Ayodele Oluyemi)