What Defiles A Man?

Men are generally attracted to women’s body figure. This might differ from men to men based on our culture, race and upbringing…

By AYO JOEL

“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.””

The word of our Lord Jesus Christ in Matthew 5:27-28, used to scare and bother me when I was younger.

I used to be troubled and even tormented by this scripture.

I thought to myself, “with all these beautiful ladies around; worse still, in this present generation, how will a man not but notice the attack (boobs) and defence (buttocks) of women around?” Women with terrific designs; wearing different fabrics of clothings that reveal their full figures and shapes in different sizes?

We might even conclude that if women were to dress the way they do now in King Solomon’s times, he would have ended up with about two to three thousand women instead of just one thousand.

I thought about Job’s words in Job 31:1 ““I have made a covenant with my eyes; Why then should I look upon a young woman?” and said to myself, “that’s easy for Job because he came in a generation when women dressed modestly.”

I thought about the scripture in Proverbs 6:25 that says, “Do not lust after her beauty in your heart, Nor let her allure you with her eyelids” and I thought it’s not just the facial beauty that we men of today are dealing with.

Men are generally attracted to women’s body figure. This might differ from men to men based on our culture, race and upbringing; but generally, most men are attracted to facial beauty, well-shaped busts and buttocks; though size preferences may differ.

So looking at the media, both audio-visuals and prints, as well as social media platforms that promote and celebrate nudity and promiscuity at all levels; how can you and I fulfill the words of Jesus in our present age and times not to look at a woman without lusting in our hearts?

I can hear majority of men echoing, “Impossible.” I totally agree with our sentiments on this issue, that with us as men in our fallen state, (our natural state), it’s absolutely impossible.

BUT, I remember the scriptures that say “With God, nothing is impossible”; “It is God that works in us both to will and to do of His good pleasure”; “I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me”; “It is no longer I that lives but Christ that lives in me”; “Christ in me, the hope of glory” and “if any man is in Christ, he is a new creature, old things are passed away, all things have become new.”

With these set of scriptures I came to realise that Jesus is not expecting me as a natural man to look at a woman without lusting in my heart, He knows I can’t. All He’s asking is for me to allow him to come and live inside me to help and teach me how to handle this sexual challenge with ease.

In addition, Jesus’ word in Mark 7:18-23 reveals how we can overcome sexual temptation with ease. Jesus gave an insight in this scripture; and if you and I, as men can understand it, we’ll be completely free from this cancerous disease of promiscuity that has tormented us from generation to generation; and it’s still being used against us by the enemy of our soul, the devil on daily basis.

I will share this overcoming insight in the next edition. See you then.

What Defiles A Man?

What Defiles A Man? Men are generally attracted to women’s body figure. This might differ from men to men based

Handling Sexual Emotions (For Men)

If we as men can understand and handle our sexual emotions, then we won’t have problems dealing with sexual sins.

If we as men can understand and handle our sexual emotions, then we won’t have problems dealing with sexual sins.

Growing up in church, in an African setting and being a pastor’s son, there were certain things that were unheard of, not-to-be-discussed, that were taboos, abominable talks, and a no-go zone.

A hush-hush issue that remains a matter of your heart alone and you’re expected to carry this burden on your own from boyhood till you end up in the grave.

One of such issues is our sexual emotions and desires as humans.

When I was about 7 or 8 years old, I remember feeling attracted to a particular older girl, who was a teenager then. I couldn’t tell the cause of attraction; it might have been because she was good looking.
I think she noticed this as well, so whenever she comes around to the vicarage where we lived for choir rehearsals, she would buy me smarties and sweats.

So we became “friends” and whenever I saw older boys around her, I felt jealous, as if she was my biological sister.
I couldn’t tell anyone what was going on and I had no clue why I was feeling that way for someone of the opposite sex.

Fast forward to my teenage years, when I was about the age of 14 to 15, I became attracted to another teenage girl who was about a year younger than me. This was around the same time that I gave my life to Jesus Christ and became born again. However, this did not stop how I felt in my heart about this girl.

I realized that I loved her devotion to God at that time, she was also very bright, easy going and beautiful. I kept these feelings to myself because there was no one to talk to about such things because of the environment that I grew up in. It was not until I gained admission into university at 18 that I had the courage to write her about how I was feeling because I thought to myself, “I’m going away to uni, anyway.”

You might be wondering, “why all these stories?” I am sharing these to make us realize that as men, we need to open up and talk about our sexual emotions, so that we can learn how to tame and control it with God’s help. This will help prevent so many atrocities that we commit as men in terms of sexual and immoral sins.

I have been in so many men’s meetings in my lifetime and I realize that as men, we shy away from these issues, we pretend everything is fine and that we’ve got it all sorted. We assume we can handle it, but we sometimes end up messing up big time; either by sleeping with another man’s wife or dating younger girls who could just be our daughter’s age.

We bring chaos and disorder to the family that God made us head over, we cause heartbreaks for our wives, children and loved ones. It is a general notion that you can not really know how many children a man has until the day of his burial, because men are generally perceived to be promiscuous and sexually pervert.

When are we going to start opening up about the sexual pressure that is bottled up within us? When are we going to start asking for help from those who God has given grace to understand and master their sexual emotions and feelings? When are we going to seek therapy, if there is the need to? When are we going to join hands with our brethren to pray together so we can overcome and become faithful men?

Shall we continue to wait until our wives files for divorce, or we get another woman pregnant or lose the respect of our own children; disappoint our family, friends and loved ones and become an object of shame and ridicule in the society?

How do we train and raise our boys and prevent them from falling into the same trap and the whole issue becomes and unending circle?’

Remember, you are not alone in this journey. I pray that, together we will break this yoke by reasoning together, mastering our God-given emotions and channelling it in the right direction.

If you have any questions or you need advice you can send us an email at prrcuk@gmail.com or book a one-on-one appointment.

See you in the next edition where we will be talking about the fact that every man is regularly tempted sexually. Thank you for reading and feel free to share. God bless. JAO (Joel Ayodele Oluyemi)